SIGNS?

It is a beautiful morning today. It was drizzling but there it was, a beautiful rainbow..a full semi circle one ( ? )..well, sometimes you just saw a sector (?) of a rainbow rite? But this morning was exceptional, I saw a full rainbow..it made me happy. For the first time, I wish the traffic would move slower..hehehe..Wish I brought a camera with me..it's been a while since I last saw one..

About work, well, I am so damn lazy la..during this special semester, since I am not teaching, this SHOULD be the right time for me to look out for some potential research opportunities, look for ideas for final year project ( FYP) titles for students and finally improve my knowledge.

I have to do the last two though..I need to learn about this new software that I am going to use for my subject next semester. Research? That is the tough one.

Why aa..? Haiya..I love to teach..love it, enjoy it so much..but yeah, doing research is not my thing. But I know that eventually..I have to do one..for my PHd..and it has to be this year. .not doing PHd la..but a research area where I can find a way to work from there.

The problem is, there are a bunch of stuff that really interest me..I like digital design, and at the same I like fabrication too. What I hate most is programming but..hahahah..! Electronic with Programming can never be apart..like P.Ramlee said, ibarat irama dan lagu, tak dapat dipisahkan..err, for Zhugeliang, it’s like rhythm and song, they can’t be separated..ok?

Hmm..gotta pull myself together in this.

Yesterday was kinda weird for me..it made miss someone even more as I saw signs everywhere..crazy huh?

MORNING EVERYBODY!

I hate it when people are not considerate. Well, yeah, what else is new, but I am allowed to be angry rite? Nway, just now I wanted to print something and as a procedure, we have to bring our papers to the printer and press the start button until the printing job has finished. So, when I was there I saw a bundle of papers on the receiving tray, I think the sender is printing a journal or some sort..nway, the papers were not collected by the sender nor was the sender was around. At the same time, the printer notified that there are no more A4 papers. Fine, no problem, but then when I placed my papers there which I brought just enough according to the number of pages, the printing of the previous job continued using ALL my papers..and uhuh, I had to go back to my office and I took a handful of the A4 papers and place them in the bloody tray. And yeah, u guessed it the printing of the previous job continued...for another 2 more pages...which I thanked God for.

Well, the point is, just be responsible with what you do..I am not perfect, but at least, I try my best not to piss off other people..intentionally or unintentionally..

*SIGH*

Hmm..a very tiring weekend. Saturday I worked, and I was quite productive..marked my thesis and then prepared some notes. But the time moved so slow..I was like..what? 10.30 am?? It should be 11.30 for God sake..heheh..

The kitchen is coming out beautifully..just waiting for the walls to be painted. Hmm..I can’t wait to decorate it. Put a clock on the wall, put some pictures here and there. I am going to enjoy being in the kitchen more..and no one is more pleased than my mom..but I told her, not for the cooking, but the cleaning la..hehehe. Mind you, I can cook ok, but this whole week, both of us have been eating outside food and I just wanted a home cooked meal..by my mom of course..hihihi…excuses..excuses..

No Gubra. Too tired to go on Saturday but on Sunday, the time at TGV KLCC was 11.20am ( it’s Sunday la, we tend to sleep longer..hehehe, but hey, I woke up early la ) and 6.50pm..hmm..that was it, I guess I have to watch it on a VCD/DVD..pirated or not..I don’t care..

HOME AND GUBRA

Have u ever heard the saying, “Home is where the heart is?” What if my heart is neither in Kajang nor Sentul..then am I not at home..?

I just miss somebody..

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I want to watch a Malaysian movie, “Gubra” tomorrow and I’ll be working and so, I was hoping to catch it later in the evening but then gosh! The showing times were just ridiculous. For TGV, in KLCC the showing time is 7.25pm and One Utama is 8.15pm..ish..ish..why can’t they make a slot in the evening..I mean, come on, not everybody wants to stay back at nite..rushing for prayers and so on..I just think it’s inconsiderate..and this is not the only movie that I got frustrated with, there were a few times where I ended up not watching a movie that I like simply because the showing times were just crap. Maybe it is my fault for waiting till the last minute, but still u can always put the time slot like 3pm or 5pm which is kinda like in between Zuhur and Asar.
As for GSC, hmm, Midvalley and Berjaya Times Square both have a good showing times..but Midvalley = Crowded and Berjaya Times Square = Never been there..arghh..tension la mcm ni..! Just have to wait and see then..

PATIENCE

This morning I had another headache attack, so, today I am on MC. However, it was not as severe as last weekend.

In my old blog, I wrote about patience and that patience is a virtue.

I did not learn anything out of that post..hahahah..!

I realized that I have 2 weaknesses. First is that I think too much..sometimes up to a point where I ended up getting sick..because of the lack of sleep or even because I was thinking while I was sleeping,heheh..The second one is I am quite impatient, which is bad because, it might make me do something which I’ll regret…because I just could not wait long enough.

Hmm..there are some things that are just beyond our control, and we just have to work and pray that everything will turn out fine..I just gotta learn how to deal with that, and think like the song: “Whatever will be, will be….”

MIGRAIN, WEDDINGS AND FACIAL

Last Saturday, I had a terrible migrain. Just imagine, u woke up and having this excruciating pain in your head. You didn’t know what to do, all you want to do at that point was just to go to sleep again..but how could that be, YOU JUST WOKE UP!

Hmm..miraculously, I did sleep until 2 something in the evening..after throwing up several times until there was nothing else left in my tummy that is..finally dragged myself out of bed, had a bath and had my lunch. My mom nagged me about sleeping late at nite (she thought that was the cause of the headache) with her high pitch voice that I had to tell her to tone it down a little..as her voice at that moment felt like a hammer banging my head..sorry la Mak..

Nway, that nite, with heavy rain pouring like crazy in KL, the whole family attended a wedding at a Golf Club in Bangsar. It was my cousin’s wedding. Hmm..too formal and modern I think. There were speeches from the bride and groom’s best friends and from the father of the bride…and it was all in English. Pity those old folks coming all the way from Malacca, looking puzzled and clueless as the rest of guests were laughing at the jokes. Nevertheless, there will be another feast in Malacca at the end of the month. A more traditional one I suppose.

Sunday, nothing much. Cleaned up the house, I was extra hardworking as I cleaned up the aquarium without being told to..heheh..the kitchen is undergoing a major renovation, so there was a lot of stuff to clean and throw away. Then, in the evening, I went out and pampered myself by going for a facial. I was hoping to get a massage though..maybe next time.

So, that was my weekend. Not bad actually.

You know when you like someone, when you see his or her name on your phone, whether it’s a message, a phone call or even a missed call, you just smiled automatically..:)

I, ROBOT

NO..I am not gonna blog about the Will Smith's movie. Hmm, can u imagine living a day without any feelings? Sometimes life can be so complicated that at some point, I wish that I am a robot..so that I can live without any feelings whatsoever, that I can just live my life as a function of something that already programmed inside me. In this case, an intelligent teaching robot..heheh..

COMMITMENT

Just now a colleague of mine gave me a briefing about a business that he would like me to a part of. After a while, it's actually a Multi Level Marketing scheme, which I am always sceptical about. But he insisted that this is different as we work in a team that is always willing to help one another..*sigh* Well, at the moment, I told him, that I don't feel like committing my time and energy for this, and I would be a lousy team player.

It was interesting and exciting though u know, when u see pictures of this couple or that couple that became financially independent and successful just by getting themselves into this thing. How they were initially engineers, executives and professionals, and they took the plunge and went into this scheme..and they made it.

How I wish I had joined when I was doing my studies as at that time, I have no other commitments to think about other than did well in my studies. But at this point of my life, I am just plain lazy.
According to my colleague, what drives him to join, is his dream. What is his dream? I didn't ask la. He has the drive to pursue what he wants. So, what about me? Hmm..I dunno yet, but I do have my financial plan la and even though I just started but at least it is something la kan...guess we just have to wait and see. Who knows, I might be interested and someday, my picture will be in the brocure,heheh..

BACK TO WORK...WHAT WORK?HEHEHE..

Now that everything had finished, I am bored to death..hahaha..! I can always use my annual leave again and again but then, I have to save some when my sister is here in Malaysia in..yikes, another month to go..! Can't wait to cuddle Aeda and Inaas, both of them together..I don't care, I love them both equally..so, I'll cuddle them both at the same time..hahaha..!

What's the plan? ( "Simple Plan"...heheh)Hmm..firstly, of course, I am going to be the driver or the navigator later. Well, can't blame them, a lot has changed since they last came back to Malaysia. But I am delighted to do it, because that's my way of spending time with my dear sister and nieces. I know..I know..at the same time, I'll be the babysitter while they do their shopping here and there..it's ok..it's ok..( wiping sweat on my forehead already..heheh..)

It's gonna be a long boring Wednesday........

STORIES IN MY HEAD WHEN I COULDN'T SLEEP

You..?

Yeah, it's me..

You came..

Of course I'd come..

It took you this to finally come to see me huh..?

He smiled sheepishly at her. He took her hand and held it as if he would never let her go again. He looked at her paled face and the monitor attached to her, showing her slow heartbeat.

She gave a weak smile and dozed off to sleep again. Hoping that when she woke up, he would still be there and their hands would still be together. Hoping that she wasn't dreaming when she saw him..

So, how was it? I know it's just a paragraph..but, can I become the next Malaysian Idol..eh, I mean the next Malaysian Best Seller?heheh..

WEEKEND UPDATE

Actually, I don't feel like updating anything. The weekend had been great for me, emotionally la but physically, I had quite a scary back ache. When I bend over je mmg sakit sangat. Dunno why but now, dah ok. But it worried me a bit.

Nway, yesterday I did a bit of shopping. Bought a red blouse. Looked around for a pair of pants but could not find one that I liked. There was this one pants that I tried tapi zip dia rosak!! Hahaha..! Hey..hey..I did not damage the pants ok! Hmm..my brother became my bodyguard..he followed me around wherever I went,heheh..my parents were doing their own thing..so, basically it was just me and my bro la.

I am feeling happy right now, and normally, whenever I feel happy, I too become sceptic of the possibility that things might go wrong somewhere, somehow. I guess we must always remember to thank Allah for anything good that happened to us, ye tak? So, Alhamdulillah :)

REGRETS

I MIGHT regret doing it but I KNOW that I’ll regret it if I don’t do it.

So, I did it.

And…

Yeah, no regrets at all.

Why I did it? Hmm..I don't want to live my life filled with so much "What if?" questions..I have so many in my head already and I don't wanna add to that. We may not have much time left, I mean, if there is something that I can do that can make a difference to me or someone else, there is a high chance of me doing it. Waiting? Yes, we can do that too..but knowing besides waiting, I can do something about it is another different story.

MAN!

Fuh..terus tarik nafas lega selega-leganya that grading has finally selesai. Tapi server tgh down, so, I have to wait for a while ( I hope ) so, that I can print and then submit to admin. Otherwise, kena datang ofis la sekejap esok...man!

Semalam petang keluar with Ira and Aini ke Alamanda..temankan saya buka posa, heheh..hmm, makan Mi Hainan kat Cozy Corner. They looked around for handbags..but me, just gave my comments here and there. Besar sangat! Tak cantik la! Tak best la handbag pegang! Heheh..
I like sling bag..gantung kat bahu across your body. Rasa tangan pun free and I dunno..I feel like a cool chick..hahaha..!

I also dunno why I tak berapa excited about handbags ke, alat2 solek ke, shopping ke..I think the main reason is that, I think about the money that I might spend and rase mcm malas nak mencari2 yg sesuai. But then, once I spotted something that I just love at first sight and harga pun berpatutan, mmg I akan belek and pikir lama la..nak ke tak nak...nak ke tak nak..last2 selalunye tak jadi..hampeh!Heheh..

After dinner, I went home and talked to my friend. She was in a dilemma because she got a job offer as a lecturer. Semua suruh dia ambik the job, her parents..her friends. Dia tak minat ngajar. Period! Mmg tak minat. I told her, ikut hati la..kalau rasa tak boleh, jangan ambik, sebab nanti u end up tak happy. Hmm..but then, she needs to change environment anyway, sometimes a change can be good. You never know la kan. That was the way I put it to her. Hopefully, she can make a wise decision.

ARGHH..!CONFIRM KENA DATANG OFIS ESOK..!MAN!MAN!MAN!

HILANG

Dealing with this kind of event always make me wanna go away, somewhere. Just puff! dissappear. Away from everything. I wish I have a nice traditional kampung to go to, where ada sungai ke, ada sawah padi ke, boleh gak tenang-tenangkan fikiran.

This weekend is going to be a long weekend for me, as I plan to take leave on Monday and Tuesday pulak mmg cuti Maulidur Rasul. But no plans to go anywhere as of yet. I'll think of something later.

At the moment, still have papers to mark and thesis to read..*sigh*..ni la part yg boring bila jadi lecturer..heheh..

Your Life Path Number is 4

Your purpose in life is to build your vision. You are practical and responsible. You work hard, knowing that there are no shortcuts in life. You work for a better life for yourself and those you love, but you are not an idealist. Trustworthy and honest, you also demonstrate great courage. People can count on you. In love, you are a loyal and committed partner. You are the ideal spouse. You don't give up easily, and sometimes you can be too stubborn and unwilling to change. You also can be too conservative at times. You sometime miss out on good opportunities. Also remember that not everyone can work as hard as you, as disappointing as that is!

What Is Your Life Path Number?

STILL HERE

Yup, still here in the cyber world.

Let’s see..up till March..a raise? Check! Lose weight? Check! Heartbroken? Check! Hahaha..not bad for three months huh?

I have to continue writing..I have been doing it for 2 years..and how can I just stop like that..all these emotions bottled up inside me..I have to let out somehow kan..

This is a new Fly Me To Polaris..of course I kept the old one safe somewhere in a folder..I would not have the heart to delete my memories just like that. Good or bad ones.

Heartbroken…yeah, of course I had shed some tears, with all my hope and expectations shattered just like that. Only Allah knows how much I wanted to become a wife and a mother..I tried to think of the reason behind this and there are either 2 things:

a) Allah knows that actually I am not ready and Allah wants me to better prepare myself.
b) He is not ready for commitment and so Allah will give me someone who does, a better person that can take care of me and make me happy. It could be him again..and it could be someone else.

But of course, at this moment, my heart has died. I hope that it will be alive again soon, People told me: It will heal in time, I will find someone better…but they also know, easier said than done.

Dugaan ni amat la kecil compared to other people. My cousins that lost their mother..even till now, after 4 years they would cry at her grave and I would still cry with them. Parents that lose their children…and vice versa. Lose jobs..lose money..unsuccessful marriages..erghh..I felt so stupid.

Alhamdulillah, I still have my parents, I have a career..I know what I wanna be, I have my good health and my parents, family pun sihat2 lagi..

Hope? It would be a lie if I said that I am not hoping for him to come back, all ok and better..because, we parted because of circumstances and because of differences in what we want out of this relationship..I mean if he is lying..that I would be lying too I guess. So, hope is still on the table..not big..just a teeny meeny one.

As for myself, life must go on, no matter how hard it is at this moment. Improving oneself is also good kan? Add in to your current knowledge, belajar seberapa banyak yg boleh. Learn from your mistakes! Have more patience, support your friends..and finally be happy!

Orait then, a new beginning..a new Fly Me To Polaris!

Thanks for all your support. It felt good to be writing again :)