Yup, still here in the cyber world.
Let’s see..up till March..a raise? Check! Lose weight? Check! Heartbroken? Check! Hahaha..not bad for three months huh?
I have to continue writing..I have been doing it for 2 years..and how can I just stop like that..all these emotions bottled up inside me..I have to let out somehow kan..
This is a new Fly Me To Polaris..of course I kept the old one safe somewhere in a folder..I would not have the heart to delete my memories just like that. Good or bad ones.
Heartbroken…yeah, of course I had shed some tears, with all my hope and expectations shattered just like that. Only Allah knows how much I wanted to become a wife and a mother..I tried to think of the reason behind this and there are either 2 things:
a) Allah knows that actually I am not ready and Allah wants me to better prepare myself.
b) He is not ready for commitment and so Allah will give me someone who does, a better person that can take care of me and make me happy. It could be him again..and it could be someone else.
But of course, at this moment, my heart has died. I hope that it will be alive again soon, People told me: It will heal in time, I will find someone better…but they also know, easier said than done.
Dugaan ni amat la kecil compared to other people. My cousins that lost their mother..even till now, after 4 years they would cry at her grave and I would still cry with them. Parents that lose their children…and vice versa. Lose jobs..lose money..unsuccessful marriages..erghh..I felt so stupid.
Alhamdulillah, I still have my parents, I have a career..I know what I wanna be, I have my good health and my parents, family pun sihat2 lagi..
Hope? It would be a lie if I said that I am not hoping for him to come back, all ok and better..because, we parted because of circumstances and because of differences in what we want out of this relationship..I mean if he is lying..that I would be lying too I guess. So, hope is still on the table..not big..just a teeny meeny one.
As for myself, life must go on, no matter how hard it is at this moment. Improving oneself is also good kan? Add in to your current knowledge, belajar seberapa banyak yg boleh. Learn from your mistakes! Have more patience, support your friends..and finally be happy!
Orait then, a new beginning..a new Fly Me To Polaris!
Thanks for all your support. It felt good to be writing again :)
